A few months ago I received a gift. It was from a friend who lives a long distance from me; I think it was supposed to be a late birthday present. Anyway, the present was a book. More specifically, a sort of diary. "A Q & A a day: a five-year journal". The purpose of the book is simple, each page represents a new calendar day. And underneath the date is a question. It might be, 'Who made you smile today?', or 'What is the recipe for creativity?'. Whatever the question is, underneath you have five spaces. The idea is that throughout the year, you answer the question at the top of the page in the top space. Each year, when you get to the date, you answer the same question. So you end up with five answers to each question, spread over five years. When you have filled in the entire journal, you can see the evolution of your answers over five years, so you can see how much you have developed, be it friendships, jobs, relationships...there are questions on all aspects of your life. And some which just extract your thoughts. They may or may not change over the time you write, but that's the excitement of seeing how much you have changed!
But the arrival of this journal got me thinking about the evolution of life. At the time of living our life, the changes we go through are unnoticeable. We don't notice each day that we are getting that little bit older, or more spotty, or cleverer. It is only several years on that we look back and think; wow. I used to be so young, and I thought I knew everything. But when a couple of years have passed, and we become nostalgic, sadly we tend to look back at a younger version of ourselves in a more critical manner. We analyse our choices and try to understand why we made them, and what our life would be like if we could go back and correct that mistake. We think, ending that relationship was a stupid idea. If only I'd thought a bit more before giving it up. But of course, it is only with hindsight that we can see things for what they truly are. Truth be told, hindsight is a useless tool. We cannot change our past actions by thinking of different endings, we cannot tell our past self that they are making a stupid decision. But given the chance, would you really choose to? All of your past decisions have shaped who you are today. The choices that then seemed so insignificant had bigger consequences than you could ever have realised, and so even just changing one could have massively altered your future paths. Similarly, there are things which at the time seemed terribly important, such as exam results, or a lie you told, but five years on you realise that it had no major impact on your life; in fact it was completely insignificant!
The only way to use hindsight positively, is to look back and recognise that although you made some silly decisions and cannot change the consequences of those, you can learn from your mistakes and move forward with them. Without those choices, both good and bad, you would never be who you are today, and that is a thing to celebrate. Of course, there will always be times that you regret decisions you made in the past, and they will always stick with you. You may not ever be able to view them in a constructive light. And that's okay. Because we, as humans, all make mistakes that evolve into regrets. And with times where you were hurt, or you hurt others, hindsight may seem like a cruel gift. But just remember - sometimes people with the worst pasts can create the best futures. Because they have the ability to learn from what they have lost. You can too.
L xx
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQacsqQ2Gdg The Vaccines - 20/20
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, 14 September 2015
Monday, 6 July 2015
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
The most important component of a teenage girl's life is her friendships. I am not stereotyping here; it is fact that relationships with peers matter more to girls than to boys. We form friendships based on similarities in personality, through other people or just for convenience. I have formed friendships through all of these methods, and they all have their advantages and flaws. My best friend I met through someone else. They were good friends before I properly knew her, but as I got to know her better, I knew that our friendship would blossom into one of those rare connections where two people are so close, that living their lives separately would be unimaginable. Now, I could not comprehend the idea of being without her. We are so similar in so many ways but also so different; and I think that that is what creates an affinity between two people, the ability to enjoy things together and on their own without feeling isolated. For instance, we both adore musical theatre and Disney, and will watch films of the genre and sing along in the car together. But whereas she prefers One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer, I prefer Sam Smith and Regina Spektor. Our similarities bring us closer, but our differences ensure that we keep our separate identities. Although, we frequently have the problem of saying the exact same sentence at the exact same time in a conversation, which maybe suggests that our differences are not quite different enough! I plan to spend the rest of my life with this girl as my absolutely best friend in the world, and through our ups and downs, that belief rules over all. Some friendships are made to last a lifetime.
Others, however, are not. There are people you will meet/have met, who at the time you think will become one of your closest friends, and with whom you will share your deepest secrets and have an unforgettable journey. I seem to generally have rather bad luck selecting friends. The majority of my friendships from school have fizzled out by now, as I came to realise that they only thought of me as a 'package deal' with my at-the-time best friend, whom they wanted to get to know. When I realised this, sixth form seemed like the perfect opportunity to make brand new friends, and take on new adventures.
The problem is, I have never been very good at making friends. I care far too much about what people think of me. I will choose not to talk to someone new, for fear that they will think me odd, or boring, or will later go and gossip to their friends about me. This means that where some people, aka my best friend, are friends with a wide variety of people, I have a select few with whom I consider myself friends. In the first months of 2014, however, I found myself with a cosy group of new friends. We spend lunches, birthdays and meals together, and were very close. And then in the months that followed, things started to go wrong. We would have arguments which ended in sides being picked, I fell out more with my best friend than we ever had before, and we started to doubt our loyalty to each other. At the time, we blamed ourselves. In different ways, we thought, we have made mistakes which impact on our friendships. I spent a long time hating myself for things I thought I had started, which had created rifts in the group. It was only at the start of year 13 when something had happened to my best friend that I realised that most rifts in a group can generally be attributed to a person. Even in the most close-knit of groups, one person can plant seeds of doubt in the others' minds about the loyalty they feel, and this creates massive problems. At school, it is difficult to escape this pattern. We see everyone at least five days a week, and if you choose to ignore someone then it impacts badly on you rather than them, as you are seen to be isolated from the group. So you choose to accept it, You are stuck in a cycle of love and hate with someone, and there is no chance to escape until school is out, forever.
And when that time came, all I felt was an overwhelming sense of relief. Relief that I would no longer have to put on this façade for people. Relief that I could finally choose who I wanted to be friends with, who I thought were deserving of my attention, and I theirs. But with this relief also comes feelings of guilt. Really, what had this person done? Were they really deserving of my lack of attention? As humans, remorse is hard-wired into the majority of our brains. As is empathy. We are always thinking about how our decisions affect others - which is on the whole a good thing - but it also prevents us from making difficult decisions which may cause hurt to others. Or in my case, it may be mutual, as you realise that someone never really cared about you, and so consequently is not sad to see you go. In that way, your own feelings are collateral damage.
Some people have a difficult time of letting people go, because they think they owe it to them to stay. They've been a good friend for so long; yes, they've done bad things but ending the friendship is a bit harsh, isn't it? These people are perhaps too empathetic. They put the feelings of someone else above their own happiness. This makes me worry that they may get hurt by the person, and the betrayal will be so much worse than letting go at this stage.But I guess sometimes you have to just let it happen, in order for the person to learn how to put themselves first in future, and how to spot the signs that a relationship needs to end so that both parties can move on and be happier.
But please remember. You don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships. You are allowed to be angry, and selfish, and unforgiving.
We all have to be a part of a toxic relationship for a little while in order to understand how much happier you can be without them, and the ability to break it off determines how strong you are as a person. Don't be afraid to put yourself first.
L xx
The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends
Saturday, 20 September 2014
THE FUTURE
The Future. My Future. Those words have been haunting my mind, and deciding my life choices, for the last few years. When I was younger, at around the age of 5, the answering phrase to the question "What would I like to be when I grow up?" was simple. "A doctor, so I can make people better. Also a vet, so I can stroke animals all day. And I want to write books because I really like making up stories." I knew exactly how I wanted my life to go, and I figured that it was simple to achieve. However as we grow and mature into children, and teenagers, we are told that we need to be "realistic" in deciding our future careers, and that we need certain skills to progress in our chosen profession, of which we can pick just one. So twelve year old Liberty sat down in her bedroom and began to think about what she really wanted from a career, because it's always an advantage to think ahead, right? She was already under the impression that she was a young lady, and definitely old enough to make a decision as important as what she wanted to do as a job for the rest of my life. She couldn't be a doctor, because you had to be good at science for that and she really didn't like science at all. A vet seemed a plausible option, but there would always be the part where you had to clean out rabbit cages and that didn't seem very hygienic to be doing for the rest of her life. So that left a writer. Well, she did enjoy Literacy, and Mrs Johnson said her stories were very interesting and she always seemed to write so much more than everyone else in the class. So, she spent the next few years content in the belief that her future was sorted.
When you start secondary school, you reach a point where you begin to be asked the same question. Except this time, you are expected to give serious answers, with a defined pathway in mind to reach your goal of that job which has been approved by your teacher. Gone were the aspiring astronauts, the prospective painters and the dozens of doctors. Instead, we had teachers, engineers, plumbers, journalists and businessmen. At this point, 16 year old Liberty (having decided that being a writer was a precarious profession and didn't count as a real job) was set on passing her GCSEs and A-Levels with flying colours in order to become a first-class psychologist. Yes, that counted as a realistic job - you had to be clever, go to university and get a degree, and I found psychology interesting which was an added bonus. So, having achieved all As and A*s at GCSE she chose a range of academic subjects to continue at AS Level.
In year 12, big decisions such as university and jobs come around very quickly, as you start to be invited to open days and events to help you make up your mind where you are going post-A Level. At this point, choosing red-brick universities which excelled in the field of psychology seemed a very valid option, so score-chart in tow, 17 year old Liberty ran off to Bath, Cardiff, Southampton, Birmingham and many more to see what university life would have in store for her. It was very exciting. And when it started getting towards the end of the academic year, she had all the answers ready. "Where would you like to go?" Somewhere in the top 20 for the subject would be ideal. "What would you like to do?" Psychology of course, "What would you like to do after university?" ........ Ah. Her plan hadn't accounted for that question. She had ruled out the option of becoming a world-class psychologist, because for that you needed many, many years at university, and that would cost a lot of money and not leave much time for anything exciting. And apart from that, there wasn't much else to do with a psychology degree. Her plan had been foiled, and now she didn't know what to do.
She spent the summer holidays worrying about exam results, starting year 13, and The Future. She was back to square one, which wasn't a good place to be with only one year of schooling left. So yet again, she began to think. She thought about what had consistently been her favourite thing to do at school. She thought about how university isn't the best option for everybody, and most importantly she thought about the career options she had discarded when she was younger. She spoke to her parents, to her teachers, to her friends, and she thought long and hard for weeks and weeks. Maybe psychology was not what she really wanted to do. What was the point of studying a subject for three years, and then not using it in her future career? Why waste three years at university, when you can spend that time experiencing the world, and what role you play in it. And suddenly it came to her, just like it did all those years ago. Writing! She wanted to be a writer. Of course.
So that is the next step in my life. Figuring out how to make this work, how to be successful, and how to do it while having an amazing time.
Stay tuned.
L xx
Avicii - Wake Me Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrbM1l_BoI
When you start secondary school, you reach a point where you begin to be asked the same question. Except this time, you are expected to give serious answers, with a defined pathway in mind to reach your goal of that job which has been approved by your teacher. Gone were the aspiring astronauts, the prospective painters and the dozens of doctors. Instead, we had teachers, engineers, plumbers, journalists and businessmen. At this point, 16 year old Liberty (having decided that being a writer was a precarious profession and didn't count as a real job) was set on passing her GCSEs and A-Levels with flying colours in order to become a first-class psychologist. Yes, that counted as a realistic job - you had to be clever, go to university and get a degree, and I found psychology interesting which was an added bonus. So, having achieved all As and A*s at GCSE she chose a range of academic subjects to continue at AS Level.
In year 12, big decisions such as university and jobs come around very quickly, as you start to be invited to open days and events to help you make up your mind where you are going post-A Level. At this point, choosing red-brick universities which excelled in the field of psychology seemed a very valid option, so score-chart in tow, 17 year old Liberty ran off to Bath, Cardiff, Southampton, Birmingham and many more to see what university life would have in store for her. It was very exciting. And when it started getting towards the end of the academic year, she had all the answers ready. "Where would you like to go?" Somewhere in the top 20 for the subject would be ideal. "What would you like to do?" Psychology of course, "What would you like to do after university?" ........ Ah. Her plan hadn't accounted for that question. She had ruled out the option of becoming a world-class psychologist, because for that you needed many, many years at university, and that would cost a lot of money and not leave much time for anything exciting. And apart from that, there wasn't much else to do with a psychology degree. Her plan had been foiled, and now she didn't know what to do.
She spent the summer holidays worrying about exam results, starting year 13, and The Future. She was back to square one, which wasn't a good place to be with only one year of schooling left. So yet again, she began to think. She thought about what had consistently been her favourite thing to do at school. She thought about how university isn't the best option for everybody, and most importantly she thought about the career options she had discarded when she was younger. She spoke to her parents, to her teachers, to her friends, and she thought long and hard for weeks and weeks. Maybe psychology was not what she really wanted to do. What was the point of studying a subject for three years, and then not using it in her future career? Why waste three years at university, when you can spend that time experiencing the world, and what role you play in it. And suddenly it came to her, just like it did all those years ago. Writing! She wanted to be a writer. Of course.
So that is the next step in my life. Figuring out how to make this work, how to be successful, and how to do it while having an amazing time.
Stay tuned.
L xx
Avicii - Wake Me Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrbM1l_BoI
Friday, 14 March 2014
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE NOTHING
Have you ever felt like no one understands you? Like you are alone with nothing but your thoughts for company? Like you are an imperfection? I feel like this frequently. In fact, yesterday I had my parents' evening, which normally isn't a problem. I go in, get told that I am doing well/not so well/rubbish, and then we leave. But when me and my mum were sat in front of my psychology teacher, she opened with something I wasn't expecting, and quite frankly, scared me. She said "Liberty, I am worried about you." Now when people ask me if I am okay I have always maintained that I am fine, nothing is wrong, no need to worry. And that has always been fine - I hide my feelings away and people accept that I am feeling positive. But when this teacher tells me that - in a room with 20 other people, no less - she is worried about me? That scared me.
It's not like I am majorly depressed, or have a disorder, or am abnormal in any way. It is just that occasionally I get these unwelcome negative thoughts, and I just feel...well...shit. I have had a lot of things I have found hard to deal with over the last few years, one of which is my mum suffering from breast cancer. Originally I dealt with this with a manner of acceptance, she has cancer but it's okay because she'll have surgery and radiotherapy, and get better. Which she did. It is only now that I hear about cancer, such as in lessons, Biology to be exact, and I get kind of emotional. I have never really been an emotional person, but recently the slightest thing can set me off, and I will sob for hours on end. Now I've sort of gone on a tangent to what I originally intended to talk about, instead I've just ranted about my life. We all have moments where we feel like rubbish, and we don't feel like we deserve to be welcomed by society. Maybe I have more of these feelings than most, but it is just part of being a female teenager.
For me, the worst part was when after my parents evening, my mum asked me what was going on. She is amazing, and I love her to pieces, but recently our relationship has been steadily going downhill, due to the fact that she is very active in making sure that I am revising for my A-Levels every minute of the day. I had been keeping these thoughts from her because I didn't feel like I had a good enough relationship with her to share this with her, but also because I didn't want to worry her. However when she asked me about it, I just broke down. I cried for a very long time, with her sat on the end of my bed asking me what was happening, and what she could do to help. She even suggested getting a councillor to talk to. Even after all this, I still didn't feel I could justify to her why I was feeling like I was, and I think that by not telling her, I have hurt her, deep down. And I feel terrible, but I still can't find the words to explain what is happening inside me. Does this make me a bad daughter? I don't know, but I'm just hoping that I will either begin to feel more like my old self soon, or find the words to tell her. That is quite ironic. I write a blog, and yet I can't speak to my own mother. But, to quote Goodnight Mister Tom, "Everything in its own time". Eventually I will be able to speak to her as I once could, and until then, repairing our relationship is all I can do.
If you have read until the end, thank you, I appreciate it more than you can imagine. I don't write this blog in order to get views and followers, I write it because if I didn't then I would never let go of any of my emotions, and they would just fill my head until there is no room for anything else. So thank you, I love you all.
L xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXnolqF3veE Tich - Little By Little
It's not like I am majorly depressed, or have a disorder, or am abnormal in any way. It is just that occasionally I get these unwelcome negative thoughts, and I just feel...well...shit. I have had a lot of things I have found hard to deal with over the last few years, one of which is my mum suffering from breast cancer. Originally I dealt with this with a manner of acceptance, she has cancer but it's okay because she'll have surgery and radiotherapy, and get better. Which she did. It is only now that I hear about cancer, such as in lessons, Biology to be exact, and I get kind of emotional. I have never really been an emotional person, but recently the slightest thing can set me off, and I will sob for hours on end. Now I've sort of gone on a tangent to what I originally intended to talk about, instead I've just ranted about my life. We all have moments where we feel like rubbish, and we don't feel like we deserve to be welcomed by society. Maybe I have more of these feelings than most, but it is just part of being a female teenager.
For me, the worst part was when after my parents evening, my mum asked me what was going on. She is amazing, and I love her to pieces, but recently our relationship has been steadily going downhill, due to the fact that she is very active in making sure that I am revising for my A-Levels every minute of the day. I had been keeping these thoughts from her because I didn't feel like I had a good enough relationship with her to share this with her, but also because I didn't want to worry her. However when she asked me about it, I just broke down. I cried for a very long time, with her sat on the end of my bed asking me what was happening, and what she could do to help. She even suggested getting a councillor to talk to. Even after all this, I still didn't feel I could justify to her why I was feeling like I was, and I think that by not telling her, I have hurt her, deep down. And I feel terrible, but I still can't find the words to explain what is happening inside me. Does this make me a bad daughter? I don't know, but I'm just hoping that I will either begin to feel more like my old self soon, or find the words to tell her. That is quite ironic. I write a blog, and yet I can't speak to my own mother. But, to quote Goodnight Mister Tom, "Everything in its own time". Eventually I will be able to speak to her as I once could, and until then, repairing our relationship is all I can do.
If you have read until the end, thank you, I appreciate it more than you can imagine. I don't write this blog in order to get views and followers, I write it because if I didn't then I would never let go of any of my emotions, and they would just fill my head until there is no room for anything else. So thank you, I love you all.
L xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXnolqF3veE Tich - Little By Little
Saturday, 8 February 2014
THE 2014 JAR
This post has been saved as a draft since the beginning of January, due to the fact that I didn't know if I even wanted to post it. I have decided to go for it anyway, however I have omitted some of the more personal information that was originally going to be a part of it. I decided, at New Year, that this year I was going to keep a '2014 Jar'. The idea of this jar is that every time something happens this year that makes me feel happy, or excited, or just generally makes me feel good about myself, I will write it on a scrap of paper and add it to the jar. On New Year's Eve 2014 I will empty its contents and re-explore all of the amazing things that I have done in the year, and relive all of the wonderful memories. Unfortunately this is not an original idea - I actually saw a post on Tumblr which mentioned it, so I decided to give it a go.
The reason that I am doing this, is because every New Year, people I know (and usually myself included) spend the night moaning about how rubbish and miserable the year was, and how this one will be so much better. But the year has never actually been that bad, it is just that people only focus on the bad experiences that have taken place, and people forget the little things that just generally make life that little bit better. For example, yes I have a lot of exciting things lined up this year like road trips, concerts, and holidays, but so far the contents of the jar hold a lot of sentimental value personally to me. One experience which has found a place there is a text message that my best friend sent me. It was around a time when I was feeling quite down about myself, and my self-confidence had plummeted even low than normal. She sent me this beautiful message which made me feel so much better about myself, and it was so beautiful that, I am not ashamed to admit, brought tears to my eyes. So this is the point of the jar. Just to bring back the wonderful emotions felt throughout the year, rather than looking back with nothing but regret. Although there are only a few scraps of paper in it at the moment, I know that by the end of 2014 it will be full to the brim, because my aim is to make this year the best one yet, and to do that I need to maximise the positive feelings and my only way to keep track of those it to keep this jar dedicated to happiness. I admit that it is exceedingly cheesy and cliche, but that is what I like about this idea - everyone has positivity in their life, so I don't think it should be an original idea - I believe that everyone needs a 2014 jar - even if it is just a metaphorical one.
L xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1chTQ58a1Q Hairspray - Good Morning Baltimore
The reason that I am doing this, is because every New Year, people I know (and usually myself included) spend the night moaning about how rubbish and miserable the year was, and how this one will be so much better. But the year has never actually been that bad, it is just that people only focus on the bad experiences that have taken place, and people forget the little things that just generally make life that little bit better. For example, yes I have a lot of exciting things lined up this year like road trips, concerts, and holidays, but so far the contents of the jar hold a lot of sentimental value personally to me. One experience which has found a place there is a text message that my best friend sent me. It was around a time when I was feeling quite down about myself, and my self-confidence had plummeted even low than normal. She sent me this beautiful message which made me feel so much better about myself, and it was so beautiful that, I am not ashamed to admit, brought tears to my eyes. So this is the point of the jar. Just to bring back the wonderful emotions felt throughout the year, rather than looking back with nothing but regret. Although there are only a few scraps of paper in it at the moment, I know that by the end of 2014 it will be full to the brim, because my aim is to make this year the best one yet, and to do that I need to maximise the positive feelings and my only way to keep track of those it to keep this jar dedicated to happiness. I admit that it is exceedingly cheesy and cliche, but that is what I like about this idea - everyone has positivity in their life, so I don't think it should be an original idea - I believe that everyone needs a 2014 jar - even if it is just a metaphorical one.L xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1chTQ58a1Q Hairspray - Good Morning Baltimore
Saturday, 1 February 2014
LIFE EXPERIENCES
At the age I am now, I find myself suddenly sitting back from my increasing pile of revision, and I just sit, and contemplate my life achievements. I'm actually quite disappointed that my 'life experiences' can be counted off on one hand. Here are the only things I have done with my short life so far that I believe hold value that I will appreciate when I am older:
1. My National Age Groups 2012 win. I recently ended my competitive synchronised swimming career, however in December 2012 I competed in the team event among 9 other girls, swimming for Bristol Central. We did amazingly well, and claimed 1st prize, beating 14 other teams. I consider this a life experience because it shows that if you work hard for something (which we did - 12 hours a week for a year) then it can pay off and you can achieve your dream. It proved that even if something seems impossible, if you all set your mind to it then the outcome can be wonderful. Walking onto the poolside, about to begin our routine, I felt a sinking feeling in my heart, because before my eyes flashed all of the problems our team had faced over the last year - my ear infection, having to cut down our routine, and all other problems which involve getting 10 girls to swim a four minute routine, underwater half the time, with no goggles, staying in a specific pattern, and having to do all this precisely in time with each other. But to come out with 1st prize over all of England, Scotland and Wales, was one of my proudest moments of my life.
2. St Lucia. I understand that sharing my amazing holiday experiences on here could be seen as shallow and pathetic, however this was the most life changing of my holidays. For those of you who are culturally dumb (no offense intended) St Lucia is a small island, part of the Windward Isles, in the Caribbean, which stretch down the edge of South America on the East Coast. I was just 12 years old when my grandparents announced that they were treating our family to a holiday in St Lucia, so I was unaware at the time of the impact that it had on my life. I would like to share with you one of the encounters that we had with a resident of Soufriere, the closest town to where we were staying. We drove into Soufriere and drew up outside the town's only supermarket, but as we made to open the doors of the car, a half-naked man with missing teeth and a severe skin infection rapped on the window. He cupped his hands in a gesture that resembled a bowl and garbled at us incoherently, spewing phlegm all over the outside of the window. My grandfather, wound down the window ever so slightly, and the man pressed his lips, blistered from the sun, against the gap. He repeated probably one of the only words he knew in English, ‘Dollars, dollars, dollars,’ all the while with a plaintive expression on his face, conveying the lost emotion of a man reliant on tourist generosity. My grandfather slipped a five dollar note out of the open window, and we drove on, struck to silence. Now, little did I know at the time, but many towns in St Lucia, such as Soufriere, are struck with abject poverty due to the lessening numbers of tourists on whom their income relies so solely on. Now, when I look back, I remember things that we saw, such as young children playing on the roads who should have been in school, and it hits me hard in the chest that they are so far away from help. This life experience taught me that although I take for granted my life now, I must remember to think about people in third world countries who do not have the same privileges.
These are the only experiences which I think have changed my life in more ways than just increasing my contentedness with life, which makes me exceedingly depressed. My main mission in life is to now try and find more of these experiences, so I can live my short life as much as possible, and make it the best it can be. You should too.
L xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXIQQ8PeRs Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day
1. My National Age Groups 2012 win. I recently ended my competitive synchronised swimming career, however in December 2012 I competed in the team event among 9 other girls, swimming for Bristol Central. We did amazingly well, and claimed 1st prize, beating 14 other teams. I consider this a life experience because it shows that if you work hard for something (which we did - 12 hours a week for a year) then it can pay off and you can achieve your dream. It proved that even if something seems impossible, if you all set your mind to it then the outcome can be wonderful. Walking onto the poolside, about to begin our routine, I felt a sinking feeling in my heart, because before my eyes flashed all of the problems our team had faced over the last year - my ear infection, having to cut down our routine, and all other problems which involve getting 10 girls to swim a four minute routine, underwater half the time, with no goggles, staying in a specific pattern, and having to do all this precisely in time with each other. But to come out with 1st prize over all of England, Scotland and Wales, was one of my proudest moments of my life.
2. St Lucia. I understand that sharing my amazing holiday experiences on here could be seen as shallow and pathetic, however this was the most life changing of my holidays. For those of you who are culturally dumb (no offense intended) St Lucia is a small island, part of the Windward Isles, in the Caribbean, which stretch down the edge of South America on the East Coast. I was just 12 years old when my grandparents announced that they were treating our family to a holiday in St Lucia, so I was unaware at the time of the impact that it had on my life. I would like to share with you one of the encounters that we had with a resident of Soufriere, the closest town to where we were staying. We drove into Soufriere and drew up outside the town's only supermarket, but as we made to open the doors of the car, a half-naked man with missing teeth and a severe skin infection rapped on the window. He cupped his hands in a gesture that resembled a bowl and garbled at us incoherently, spewing phlegm all over the outside of the window. My grandfather, wound down the window ever so slightly, and the man pressed his lips, blistered from the sun, against the gap. He repeated probably one of the only words he knew in English, ‘Dollars, dollars, dollars,’ all the while with a plaintive expression on his face, conveying the lost emotion of a man reliant on tourist generosity. My grandfather slipped a five dollar note out of the open window, and we drove on, struck to silence. Now, little did I know at the time, but many towns in St Lucia, such as Soufriere, are struck with abject poverty due to the lessening numbers of tourists on whom their income relies so solely on. Now, when I look back, I remember things that we saw, such as young children playing on the roads who should have been in school, and it hits me hard in the chest that they are so far away from help. This life experience taught me that although I take for granted my life now, I must remember to think about people in third world countries who do not have the same privileges.
These are the only experiences which I think have changed my life in more ways than just increasing my contentedness with life, which makes me exceedingly depressed. My main mission in life is to now try and find more of these experiences, so I can live my short life as much as possible, and make it the best it can be. You should too.
L xx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXIQQ8PeRs Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day
Monday, 20 January 2014
BOYS
This is a topic that many a girl will ponder for a large proportion of their lives - namely the age I am now (16, for those who are new here). Now to us girls, boys are a completely alien species who work in ways contrary to our own, for example peeing standing up, walking around topless and going through puberty, which separates the boys from the men. When you are five, and you are told that these two completely different sexes actually fall in love, and marry each other, I'm sure most of us were a bit offended that this was our destiny. But when you get to your teenage years, hormones begin to have an effect, and the brain starts to tell you that you are lonely, and need a compatible mate to satisfy that loneliness. Now I myself (and I can say this, because you don't know me personally) have not had a boyfriend since I was 12 years old. TWELVE. And if I am completely honest, I'm not quite certain that playing kiss chase in the playground and daring each other to hold hands for a short period of time really defines "going out." But, as are the rules of primary school.
Before, I have always told myself that I will wait until I reach university to start seriously considering a relationship. But then I look at all of the happy couples around me and feel wistful that the only soul I can share my Ben and Jerry's with is my cat, who despite being a boy, does not quantify a boyfriend as such. I am generally a quiet person, but if I am friends with a boy, or I do not have a "crush" on him, then I find it quite easy to talk to him. I have several boys-who-are-friends, and joke and laugh with them happily. But if you put in front of me an attractive boy who I might have a tiiiny crush on, I instantly turn a nasty shade of raspberry and can only open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. Having completely humiliated myself, I then turn and walk away as fast as my legs can carry me. I experienced this first hand yesterday, when a boy new to the sixth form, let's call him Bob for this account, looked at me. Yes, you heard right. That's all it took. One look, and my brain went into overload thinking, "Is he thinking about me?" "Does he fancy me?" "Have I got something on my face?" "Does he think I'm ugly?" And of course while my mind is presenting me with these unwelcome thoughts, I am as usual looking like a patient from a mental institute. Oh, the joys of being a girl.
So this post is for all of the female adolescents who find themselves speechless when faced with the boy of their dreams and are unable to handle the incident at all well. Just be aware that you are not alone, that one day we will all find love and happiness with someone of the opposite/same sex. However for now, just embrace the single life and let the only men in your life be the ones on the posters on your bedroom walls!
Liberty xx
P.S From now on, in posts I am going to leave links to songs at the bottom which I feel are suitably matched to the emotions I feel when writing the posts. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx2u5uUu3DE - Bon Jovi - It's My Life.
Before, I have always told myself that I will wait until I reach university to start seriously considering a relationship. But then I look at all of the happy couples around me and feel wistful that the only soul I can share my Ben and Jerry's with is my cat, who despite being a boy, does not quantify a boyfriend as such. I am generally a quiet person, but if I am friends with a boy, or I do not have a "crush" on him, then I find it quite easy to talk to him. I have several boys-who-are-friends, and joke and laugh with them happily. But if you put in front of me an attractive boy who I might have a tiiiny crush on, I instantly turn a nasty shade of raspberry and can only open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. Having completely humiliated myself, I then turn and walk away as fast as my legs can carry me. I experienced this first hand yesterday, when a boy new to the sixth form, let's call him Bob for this account, looked at me. Yes, you heard right. That's all it took. One look, and my brain went into overload thinking, "Is he thinking about me?" "Does he fancy me?" "Have I got something on my face?" "Does he think I'm ugly?" And of course while my mind is presenting me with these unwelcome thoughts, I am as usual looking like a patient from a mental institute. Oh, the joys of being a girl.
So this post is for all of the female adolescents who find themselves speechless when faced with the boy of their dreams and are unable to handle the incident at all well. Just be aware that you are not alone, that one day we will all find love and happiness with someone of the opposite/same sex. However for now, just embrace the single life and let the only men in your life be the ones on the posters on your bedroom walls!
Liberty xx
P.S From now on, in posts I am going to leave links to songs at the bottom which I feel are suitably matched to the emotions I feel when writing the posts. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx2u5uUu3DE - Bon Jovi - It's My Life.
Thursday, 16 January 2014
JOURNEYS
Our lives are a series of journeys. Our days are made up of smaller, literal ones; going to school, on holiday, to the fridge to get some food. But our lives, in the bigger picture, are made up of longer, metaphorical journeys. We don't realize the importance of these adventures until we look back, because most are so integrated into our lives that we don't notice they are there. For instance, I am about to traverse down my most important path yet; the road to university and my impending career that will follow. I am trying not to take this decision lightly, as it will affect the rest of my life if done properly. However, I am also aware that I am 16 years old, and I have a long way to go yet before I enter the realm of adulthood, which will be when my career choice will be most needed. Everyone has their own journey and path to follow, everyone will have fluctuations of important times in their lives, but it is very rare that you will meander through your short spell on Earth with the same relaxed attitude that you adopt to choose what drink you would like with your meal. So, I ask you to consider; what journey are you currently undertaking, or preparing to undertake? It is important in life to step back for a moment, stop, and think about where you are heading. I have made the mistake over the last few years of living a relatively meaningless, trivial life where I exist in a cycle of school, homework and eating, but it's now time for me to evolve and escape my cosy cocoon. When I take the next jump in my life, I want to be ready for it, and leap on to the wagon to see where it takes me. I know this is a very short post, but just think about the message I am trying to convey, and how you can apply it to your own life.
Liberty xx
Liberty xx
Thursday, 9 January 2014
WELCOME TO MY BLOG
So the purpose of this blog is to share with you, with anyone, maybe even with no-one, the thoughts and feelings of my adolescent years. As everyone knows, and I'm sure most adults will tell you, the teenage years are when some of life's most difficult and important decisions are thrust upon you. You are told that you have to decide your career, what you are going to do for the rest of your life. At 17 years old, you have only just learned to drive a car, you are not yet classed in society as an "adult". However, despite not being able to drink alcohol, buy fireworks or (being slightly stereotypical) get married and start a family, you are forced to sit down with your peers and decide what you would like to spend the rest of your life doing. Now I personally am in this situation, and having chose a mixture of AS levels (Psychology, Maths, Biology and English Language, in case you are curious) I have yet to decide what I would like to study at university, let alone the career path I will follow after that.
So I have started this blog in order to try and find myself, find what I am interested in, discover my own thoughts and feelings. I doubt anyone will ever read this, but that's not why I have started it, I have started it for my own benefit, to lay to rest some of the messed up emotions in my head. If you are going through a similar situation, or if this topic simply interests you, then great, I welcome any crusaders who feel that taking to the internet will solve all of their problems. I started a blog because I thoroughly enjoy writing - not the rubbish we are given to analyse and solve in lessons but my own ideas and tasks. This blog will be a conundrum of rants, reviews and representations to express who I am and what my purpose is in life.
Enjoy.
So I have started this blog in order to try and find myself, find what I am interested in, discover my own thoughts and feelings. I doubt anyone will ever read this, but that's not why I have started it, I have started it for my own benefit, to lay to rest some of the messed up emotions in my head. If you are going through a similar situation, or if this topic simply interests you, then great, I welcome any crusaders who feel that taking to the internet will solve all of their problems. I started a blog because I thoroughly enjoy writing - not the rubbish we are given to analyse and solve in lessons but my own ideas and tasks. This blog will be a conundrum of rants, reviews and representations to express who I am and what my purpose is in life.
Enjoy.
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