THE FUTURE

The Future. My Future. Those words have been haunting my mind, and deciding my life choices, for the last few years. When I was younger, at around the age of 5, the answering phrase to the question "What would I like to be when I grow up?" was simple. "A doctor, so I can make people better. Also a vet, so I can stroke animals all day. And I want to write books because I really like making up stories." I knew exactly how I wanted my life to go, and I figured that it was simple to achieve. However as we grow and mature into children, and teenagers, we are told that we need to be "realistic" in deciding our future careers, and that we need certain skills to progress in our chosen profession, of which we can pick just one. So twelve year old Liberty sat down in her bedroom and began to think about what she really wanted from a career, because it's always an advantage to think ahead, right? She was already under the impression that she was a young lady, and definitely old enough to make a decision as important as what she wanted to do as a job for the rest of my life. She couldn't be a doctor, because you had to be good at science for that and she really didn't like science at all. A vet seemed a plausible option, but there would always be the part where you had to clean out rabbit cages and that didn't seem very hygienic to be doing for the rest of her life. So that left a writer. Well, she did enjoy Literacy, and Mrs Johnson said her stories were very interesting and she always seemed to write so much more than everyone else in the class. So, she spent the next few years content in the belief that her future was sorted.

When you start secondary school, you reach a point where you begin to be asked the same question. Except this time, you are expected to give serious answers, with a defined pathway in mind to reach your goal of that job which has been approved by your teacher. Gone were the aspiring astronauts, the prospective painters and the dozens of doctors. Instead, we had teachers, engineers, plumbers, journalists and businessmen. At this point, 16 year old Liberty (having decided that being a writer was a precarious profession and didn't count as a real job) was set on passing her GCSEs and A-Levels with flying colours in order to become a first-class psychologist. Yes, that counted as a realistic job - you had to be clever, go to university and get a degree, and I found psychology interesting which was an added bonus. So, having achieved all As and A*s at GCSE she chose a range of academic subjects to continue at AS Level.

In year 12, big decisions such as university and jobs come around very quickly, as you start to be invited to open days and events to help you make up your mind where you are going post-A Level. At this point, choosing red-brick universities which excelled in the field of psychology seemed a very valid option, so score-chart in tow, 17 year old Liberty ran off to Bath, Cardiff, Southampton, Birmingham and many more to see what university life would have in store for her. It was very exciting. And when it started getting towards the end of the academic year, she had all the answers ready. "Where would you like to go?" Somewhere in the top 20 for the subject would be ideal. "What would you like to do?" Psychology of course, "What would you like to do after university?" ........ Ah. Her plan hadn't accounted for that question. She had ruled out the option of becoming a world-class psychologist, because for that you needed many, many years at university, and that would cost a lot of money and not leave much time for anything exciting. And apart from that, there wasn't much else to do with a psychology degree. Her plan had been foiled, and now she didn't know what to do.

She spent the summer holidays worrying about exam results, starting year 13, and The Future. She was back to square one, which wasn't a good place to be with only one year of schooling left. So yet again, she began to think. She thought about what had consistently been her favourite thing to do at school. She thought about how university isn't the best option for everybody, and most importantly she thought about the career options she had discarded when she was younger. She spoke to her parents, to her teachers, to her friends, and she thought long and hard for weeks and weeks. Maybe psychology was not what she really wanted to do. What was the point of studying a subject for three years, and then not using it in her future career? Why waste three years at university, when you can spend that time experiencing the world, and what role you play in it. And suddenly it came to her, just like it did all those years ago. Writing! She wanted to be a writer. Of course.

So that is the next step in my life. Figuring out how to make this work, how to be successful, and how to do it while having an amazing time.

Stay tuned.

L xx

Avicii - Wake Me Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrbM1l_BoI

WRITING A BOOK

As a child, one of my favourite things to do was to write stories. They could range from adventure stories, in which I was the daring, heroic protagonist, or later on in my childhood, poems proclaiming the love I felt for a boy in the year 5 class. Whatever the subject matter, my teachers would read it and say "Liberty, you have an excellent imagination. I could see you becoming a writer some day." Well, I read a lot of books and I decided that despite my love of literature, I would be an inept author, primarily due to my lack of concentration. However recently I have realised that writing a book doesn't necessarily have to be a full time profession. So my most recent epiphany is that I could maybe begin to write a book, or novel, just if I have a spare half an hour here or there between exams. It probably wouldn't end up anywhere, and in most likeliness wouldn't even make it from my computer documents. However despite this, I think I may have a go. Just for something to enjoy, and to take my mind off of A Levels and exams.

What do you think? Should I have a go?

L xx

RACE FOR LIFE - JUSTGIVING.COM

Recently me and my best friend were discussing the art of fundraising, sponsorship and donating. We have decided that our aim this summer is to raise as much money as we can for various charities supporting a variety of things. Already, we have taken our first step towards this goal, and we, along with another friend, have signed up to take part in the Race For Life in support of Cancer Research UK. We want to raise as much money as possible for this charity as it is one very close to my heart, and to do this we have set up a page on justgiving.com so that donating is made easier.

I don't know how many people actually read my blog, but if you are, donating 50p, £1, or even £5 would make such a difference and we would be so grateful. The link is below, this is for an amazing cause and each and every donation brings the day cancer is eradicated closer and closer.

http://www.justgiving.com/mystery-pink

Thank you, I love you all.

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an4ySOlsUMY Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE NOTHING

Have you ever felt like no one understands you? Like you are alone with nothing but your thoughts for company? Like you are an imperfection? I feel like this frequently. In fact, yesterday I had my parents' evening, which normally isn't a problem. I go in, get told that I am doing well/not so well/rubbish, and then we leave. But when me and my mum were sat in front of my psychology teacher, she opened with something I wasn't expecting, and quite frankly, scared me. She said "Liberty, I am worried about you." Now when people ask me if I am okay I have always maintained that I am fine, nothing is wrong, no need to worry. And that has always been fine - I hide my feelings away and people accept that I am feeling positive. But when this teacher tells me that - in a room with 20 other people, no less - she is worried about me? That scared me.

It's not like I am majorly depressed, or have a disorder, or am abnormal in any way. It is just that occasionally I get these unwelcome negative thoughts, and I just feel...well...shit. I have had a lot of things I have found hard to deal with over the last few years, one of which is my mum suffering from breast cancer. Originally I dealt with this with a manner of acceptance, she has cancer but it's okay because she'll have surgery and radiotherapy, and get better. Which she did. It is only now that I hear about cancer, such as in lessons, Biology to be exact, and I get kind of emotional. I have never really been an emotional person, but recently the slightest thing can set me off, and I will sob for hours on end. Now I've sort of gone on a tangent to what I originally intended to talk about, instead I've just ranted about my life. We all have moments where we feel like rubbish, and we don't feel like we deserve to be welcomed by society. Maybe I have more of these feelings than most, but it is just part of being a female teenager.

For me, the worst part was when after my parents evening, my mum asked me what was going on. She is amazing, and I love her to pieces, but recently our relationship has been steadily going downhill, due to the fact that she is very active in making sure that I am revising for my A-Levels every minute of the day. I had been keeping these thoughts from her because I didn't feel like I had a good enough relationship with her to share this with her, but also because I didn't want to worry her. However when she asked me about it, I just broke down. I cried for a very long time, with her sat on the end of my bed asking me what was happening, and what she could do to help. She even suggested getting a councillor to talk to. Even after all this, I still didn't feel I could justify to her why I was feeling like I was, and I think that by not telling her, I have hurt her, deep down. And I feel terrible, but I still can't find the words to explain what is happening inside me. Does this make me a bad daughter? I don't know, but I'm just hoping that I will either begin to feel more like my old self soon, or find the words to tell her. That is quite ironic. I write a blog, and yet I can't speak to my own mother. But, to quote Goodnight Mister Tom, "Everything in its own time". Eventually I will be able to speak to her as I once could, and until then, repairing our relationship is all I can do.

If you have read until the end, thank you, I appreciate it more than you can imagine. I don't write this blog in order to get views and followers, I write it because if I didn't then I would never let go of any of my emotions, and they would just fill my head until there is no room for anything else. So thank you, I love you all.

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXnolqF3veE Tich - Little By Little

THEQUITEPLACEPROJECT.COM

Yesterday, I discovered a website called www.thequietplaceproject.com. This website isn't commercial, or a scam, it's full of people who need comfort in their darkest days, and equally, give comfort to others. Now I don't normally seek advice from other people, in fact, I tend not to take to the internet at all when I'm feeling upset, as I could quite easily do something I would regret. However if I have a spare half hour here and there, I log on and scroll through people's pleas for help, and I try to help as many people as I can. The unique characteristic of this website is that it doesn't run to make a profit - in fact all adverts that advertisers have tried to implement have a white box covering them in order to omit distraction from the actual content of the site. There is an emphasis throughout the whole site on relaxation and calm, such as the omission of capital letters and the simplicity of the design. On the site there are several different 'rooms' which people can go and visit, depending on how they are feelings.

1. The dreams room. This room allows the user to add milestones in their dreams. Whether you are happy, sad or angry, you are able to spill your thoughts and track your progress. This room is anonymous, so whatever you write can only be seen by you unless you choose to add it to the comfort spot. Which leads me on to...

2. The comfort spot. This is the main space on the website, and it is where you have space to write about how you are feeling or spread comfort to others. You can choose to post using a username or anonymously, and although I have posted several times to this page, I am still amazed each time by how much love and positive support I receive from people. This is why the quiet place project is different to most other websites - not once have I seen someone being unfriendly, unkind or hurtful to someone else, which is wonderful because it shows that there are still good people in the world who care about others, and want to help people when they are in their darkest days.

3. The thoughts room. This is the place to go if you are feeling angry, but need to let it go, quietly. The animation is accompanied by soothing piano music, and the idea is that you feel as if you are in space. Once you have read the initial advice, you are presented with a box in which you can type. When I go into this room, I pour out everything that is troubling me, and that I feel I could be better off without thinking about. Fascinatingly, as you type, the words fall out of the box and disappear into the stars, and honestly, it makes me feel a whole lot better.

4. The dawn room. This room is where you need to be if you feel like you can't carry on, that nobody loves you, that it would be better if you just weren't around. We have all had feelings like this - maybe not in the extreme sense, but I know I have had periods of feeling worthless, and not wanted. The page invites you first to think about the most important person in your life, and to imagine them needing *you* at that moment. You are presented with a box, and asked to give that person some positive comfort. Then, you are shown all of the comforts that people have written previously - and you know the most amazing thing? As you read, it is as if all of these comforts have been written personally for you, with all the love that they can muster. I can sit and watch the words float across the screen, and feel...well...loved. Truly loved.

5. It will be okay. The final main room is simply entitled the latter. It requires no participation or interaction from the user, it simply talks to you, and tells you that even when you are down, and feeling lost, and you need a helping hand, the quiet place project is here for you.  I need say no more, except, if any of you ever feel like you can't cope, or you can't talk to anyone around you, please visit http://thequietplaceproject.com/ and see how amazing the human species can be.  

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpItR7E2Z-E A Rocket To The Moon - Lost and Found

THE 2014 JAR

This post has been saved as a draft since the beginning of January, due to the fact that I didn't know if I even wanted to post it. I have decided to go for it anyway, however I have omitted some of the more personal information that was originally going to be a part of it. I decided, at New Year, that this year I was going to keep a '2014 Jar'. The idea of this jar is that every time something happens this year that makes me feel happy, or excited, or just generally makes me feel good about myself, I will write it on a scrap of paper and add it to the jar. On New Year's Eve 2014 I will empty its contents and re-explore all of the amazing things that I have done in the year, and relive all of the wonderful memories. Unfortunately this is not an original idea - I actually saw a post on Tumblr which mentioned it, so I decided to give it a go.

The reason that I am doing this, is because every New Year, people I know (and usually myself included) spend the night moaning about how rubbish and miserable the year was, and how this one will be so much better. But the year has never actually been that bad, it is just that people only focus on the bad experiences that have taken place, and people forget the little things that just generally make life that little bit better. For example, yes I have a lot of exciting things lined up this year like road trips, concerts, and holidays, but so far the contents of the jar hold a lot of sentimental value personally to me. One experience which has found a place there is a text message that my best friend sent me. It was around a time when I was feeling quite down about myself, and my self-confidence had plummeted even low than normal. She sent me this beautiful message which made me feel so much better about myself, and it was so beautiful that, I am not ashamed to admit, brought tears to my eyes. So this is the point of the jar. Just to bring back the wonderful emotions felt throughout the year, rather than looking back with nothing but regret. Although there are only a few scraps of paper in it at the moment, I know that by the end of 2014 it will be full to the brim, because my aim is to make this year the best one yet, and to do that I need to maximise the positive feelings and my only way to keep track of those it to keep this jar dedicated to happiness. I admit that it is exceedingly cheesy and cliche, but that is what I like about this idea - everyone has positivity in  their life, so I don't think it should be an original idea - I believe that everyone needs a 2014 jar - even if it is just a metaphorical one.

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1chTQ58a1Q Hairspray - Good Morning Baltimore

LIFE EXPERIENCES

At the age I am now, I find myself suddenly sitting back from my increasing pile of revision, and I just sit, and contemplate my life achievements. I'm actually quite disappointed that my 'life experiences' can be counted off on one hand. Here are the only things I have done with my short life so far that I believe hold value that I will appreciate when I am older:

1. My National Age Groups 2012 win. I recently ended my competitive synchronised swimming career, however in December 2012 I competed in the team event among 9 other girls, swimming for Bristol Central. We did amazingly well, and claimed 1st prize, beating 14 other teams. I consider this a life experience because it shows that if you work hard for something (which we did - 12 hours a week for a year) then it can pay off and you can achieve your dream. It proved that even if something seems impossible, if you all set your mind to it then the outcome can be wonderful. Walking onto the poolside, about to begin our routine, I felt a sinking feeling in my heart, because before my eyes flashed all of the problems our team had faced over the last year - my ear infection, having to cut down our routine, and all other problems which involve getting 10 girls to swim a four minute routine, underwater half the time, with no goggles, staying in a specific pattern, and having to do all this precisely in time with each other. But to come out with 1st prize over all of England, Scotland and Wales, was one of my proudest moments of my life.

2. St Lucia. I understand that sharing my amazing holiday experiences on here could be seen as shallow and pathetic, however this was the most life changing of my holidays. For those of you who are culturally dumb (no offense intended) St Lucia is a small island, part of the Windward Isles, in the Caribbean,  which stretch down the edge of South America on the East Coast. I was just 12 years old when my grandparents announced that they were treating our family to a holiday in St Lucia, so I was unaware at the time of the impact that it had on my life. I would like to share with you one of the encounters that we had with a resident of Soufriere, the closest town to where we were staying. We drove into Soufriere and drew up outside the town's only supermarket, but as we made to open the doors of the car, a half-naked man with missing teeth and a severe skin infection rapped on the window. He cupped his hands in a gesture that resembled a bowl and garbled at us incoherently, spewing phlegm all over the outside of the window. My grandfather, wound down the window ever so slightly, and the man pressed his lips, blistered from the sun, against the gap. He repeated probably one of the only words he knew in English, ‘Dollars, dollars, dollars,’ all the while with a plaintive expression on his face, conveying the lost emotion of a man reliant on tourist generosity. My grandfather slipped a five dollar note out of the open window, and we drove on, struck to silence. Now, little did I know at the time, but many towns in St Lucia, such as Soufriere, are struck with abject poverty due to the lessening numbers of tourists on whom their income relies so solely on. Now, when I look back, I remember things that we saw, such as young children playing on the roads who should have been in school, and it hits me hard in the chest that they are so far away from help. This life experience taught me that although I take for granted my life now, I must remember to think about people in third world countries who do not have the same privileges.

These are the only experiences which I think have changed my life in more ways than just increasing my contentedness with life, which makes me exceedingly depressed. My main mission in life is to now try and find more of these experiences, so I can live my short life as much as possible, and make it the best it can be. You should too.

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXIQQ8PeRs Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day