RACE FOR LIFE - JUSTGIVING.COM

Recently me and my best friend were discussing the art of fundraising, sponsorship and donating. We have decided that our aim this summer is to raise as much money as we can for various charities supporting a variety of things. Already, we have taken our first step towards this goal, and we, along with another friend, have signed up to take part in the Race For Life in support of Cancer Research UK. We want to raise as much money as possible for this charity as it is one very close to my heart, and to do this we have set up a page on justgiving.com so that donating is made easier.

I don't know how many people actually read my blog, but if you are, donating 50p, £1, or even £5 would make such a difference and we would be so grateful. The link is below, this is for an amazing cause and each and every donation brings the day cancer is eradicated closer and closer.

http://www.justgiving.com/mystery-pink

Thank you, I love you all.

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an4ySOlsUMY Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE NOTHING

Have you ever felt like no one understands you? Like you are alone with nothing but your thoughts for company? Like you are an imperfection? I feel like this frequently. In fact, yesterday I had my parents' evening, which normally isn't a problem. I go in, get told that I am doing well/not so well/rubbish, and then we leave. But when me and my mum were sat in front of my psychology teacher, she opened with something I wasn't expecting, and quite frankly, scared me. She said "Liberty, I am worried about you." Now when people ask me if I am okay I have always maintained that I am fine, nothing is wrong, no need to worry. And that has always been fine - I hide my feelings away and people accept that I am feeling positive. But when this teacher tells me that - in a room with 20 other people, no less - she is worried about me? That scared me.

It's not like I am majorly depressed, or have a disorder, or am abnormal in any way. It is just that occasionally I get these unwelcome negative thoughts, and I just feel...well...shit. I have had a lot of things I have found hard to deal with over the last few years, one of which is my mum suffering from breast cancer. Originally I dealt with this with a manner of acceptance, she has cancer but it's okay because she'll have surgery and radiotherapy, and get better. Which she did. It is only now that I hear about cancer, such as in lessons, Biology to be exact, and I get kind of emotional. I have never really been an emotional person, but recently the slightest thing can set me off, and I will sob for hours on end. Now I've sort of gone on a tangent to what I originally intended to talk about, instead I've just ranted about my life. We all have moments where we feel like rubbish, and we don't feel like we deserve to be welcomed by society. Maybe I have more of these feelings than most, but it is just part of being a female teenager.

For me, the worst part was when after my parents evening, my mum asked me what was going on. She is amazing, and I love her to pieces, but recently our relationship has been steadily going downhill, due to the fact that she is very active in making sure that I am revising for my A-Levels every minute of the day. I had been keeping these thoughts from her because I didn't feel like I had a good enough relationship with her to share this with her, but also because I didn't want to worry her. However when she asked me about it, I just broke down. I cried for a very long time, with her sat on the end of my bed asking me what was happening, and what she could do to help. She even suggested getting a councillor to talk to. Even after all this, I still didn't feel I could justify to her why I was feeling like I was, and I think that by not telling her, I have hurt her, deep down. And I feel terrible, but I still can't find the words to explain what is happening inside me. Does this make me a bad daughter? I don't know, but I'm just hoping that I will either begin to feel more like my old self soon, or find the words to tell her. That is quite ironic. I write a blog, and yet I can't speak to my own mother. But, to quote Goodnight Mister Tom, "Everything in its own time". Eventually I will be able to speak to her as I once could, and until then, repairing our relationship is all I can do.

If you have read until the end, thank you, I appreciate it more than you can imagine. I don't write this blog in order to get views and followers, I write it because if I didn't then I would never let go of any of my emotions, and they would just fill my head until there is no room for anything else. So thank you, I love you all.

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXnolqF3veE Tich - Little By Little

THEQUITEPLACEPROJECT.COM

Yesterday, I discovered a website called www.thequietplaceproject.com. This website isn't commercial, or a scam, it's full of people who need comfort in their darkest days, and equally, give comfort to others. Now I don't normally seek advice from other people, in fact, I tend not to take to the internet at all when I'm feeling upset, as I could quite easily do something I would regret. However if I have a spare half hour here and there, I log on and scroll through people's pleas for help, and I try to help as many people as I can. The unique characteristic of this website is that it doesn't run to make a profit - in fact all adverts that advertisers have tried to implement have a white box covering them in order to omit distraction from the actual content of the site. There is an emphasis throughout the whole site on relaxation and calm, such as the omission of capital letters and the simplicity of the design. On the site there are several different 'rooms' which people can go and visit, depending on how they are feelings.

1. The dreams room. This room allows the user to add milestones in their dreams. Whether you are happy, sad or angry, you are able to spill your thoughts and track your progress. This room is anonymous, so whatever you write can only be seen by you unless you choose to add it to the comfort spot. Which leads me on to...

2. The comfort spot. This is the main space on the website, and it is where you have space to write about how you are feeling or spread comfort to others. You can choose to post using a username or anonymously, and although I have posted several times to this page, I am still amazed each time by how much love and positive support I receive from people. This is why the quiet place project is different to most other websites - not once have I seen someone being unfriendly, unkind or hurtful to someone else, which is wonderful because it shows that there are still good people in the world who care about others, and want to help people when they are in their darkest days.

3. The thoughts room. This is the place to go if you are feeling angry, but need to let it go, quietly. The animation is accompanied by soothing piano music, and the idea is that you feel as if you are in space. Once you have read the initial advice, you are presented with a box in which you can type. When I go into this room, I pour out everything that is troubling me, and that I feel I could be better off without thinking about. Fascinatingly, as you type, the words fall out of the box and disappear into the stars, and honestly, it makes me feel a whole lot better.

4. The dawn room. This room is where you need to be if you feel like you can't carry on, that nobody loves you, that it would be better if you just weren't around. We have all had feelings like this - maybe not in the extreme sense, but I know I have had periods of feeling worthless, and not wanted. The page invites you first to think about the most important person in your life, and to imagine them needing *you* at that moment. You are presented with a box, and asked to give that person some positive comfort. Then, you are shown all of the comforts that people have written previously - and you know the most amazing thing? As you read, it is as if all of these comforts have been written personally for you, with all the love that they can muster. I can sit and watch the words float across the screen, and feel...well...loved. Truly loved.

5. It will be okay. The final main room is simply entitled the latter. It requires no participation or interaction from the user, it simply talks to you, and tells you that even when you are down, and feeling lost, and you need a helping hand, the quiet place project is here for you.  I need say no more, except, if any of you ever feel like you can't cope, or you can't talk to anyone around you, please visit http://thequietplaceproject.com/ and see how amazing the human species can be.  

L xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpItR7E2Z-E A Rocket To The Moon - Lost and Found